Friday, April 20, 2012

Imma heartbreaker.

The moment I first saw you.
You are stunning, I was attracted by your natural wavy dark hair, waving while you walked past by me, like a gentle wind kissed my face.
I felt like earth losing gravity, and I know its insanity, saying that you're going to be, the one and only.

The moment you walked towards me.
You smiled, and the heavens were brought down to earth that moment.
I was a coward, ignored the most dazzling smile in the world by looking at the grey floor.

The first time I sat so near to you.
That table in the library, that girl sitting in front of me.
Your voice was as sweet as honey, and by saying that it's not geli.
I looked through your eyes, my view quickly moved aside. I was so so so nervous.
Your eyes are the most breath-taking of all,  so pretty, so lively. Its like they can talk.

Then I had the courage to know you.
Facebook, phone number, texts, calls.
We meet, we're happy. We got too much alike, we thought.
We're going to take the next step..

BUT I KNOW I CANNOT. I know what is going to happen and it will repeat again. She can't handle that well in the end. But my feelings were strong for her, I followed my instinct, and I confessed that I like her. She didn't trust me, I made her to believe me.
It was her first relationship, it was my fifth official relationship. We're together. I had experience in relationships, she didn't. I thought I can handle it well. Well.

It was the best feeling on earth to be with her. I felt that I'm the luckiest man in the world.
It was the sweetest moment of my life.

Problems occurred, we never fight though. I told her its normal to have problems, didn't know know that it was me.
7 months and it ended.
The reason is me. I suck. I hurt her too much. I ruined her life.
I was being a coward, selfish, not gentleman at all. I mean, I realized this before. But when these became the reasons we broke up, I realized a lot.

I am totally not ready for relationships yet, I know now.
I need to learn to love.
To be there at the shortest time when she needs me.
Not to care to much what people say on our relationship.
To make her feel that she's the most special girl in this whole wide world.
To sing to her, giving her surprises, to make her happy.
To take responsibility and..
To be mature.

I am going to learn, to love, to be mature and to be a gentleman. I made a promise to her that, I'm going to be single until the 2nd year of university life, until I met the one i love. But I know..
I loved her, and I love her.

She is so special to me, although the ways I expressed them are not the ways she wanted.
She's my everything, my breathe to live, but I know there's no going back.

If you're not ready for a relationship, please don't get into one.
You might destroy someone's life.
Always treat your love ones as they're the most special ones in your life.

Random shot at my college, smile.
I should, although I've lost my love one.

Friends, are the best when you're single or not.


Anonymous said...

Seems like she's the most you love among those relationships you had huh?Cheer up :) You'll be fine soon.Update your blog again,and not only because of her,cause there're still a lot of meaningful things for you to write :)

Yimin said...

Boy, learning through mistakes is the best way to improve. You'll do fine in the future. All the best :)

Anonymous said...

who is she?why you said so?

Anonymous said...

time heals pain :)

shelhiel said...

thanks yimin=)

Anonymous said...

You have a girl instinct you know.glad that you deleted that or else I'm dead!hahaha!Just let me be your secret follower <3 :) good luck for your 2 days exams!